Have you ever had someone show up at your house unannounced or at the wrong time?
Perhaps you were on the way out to a Dr. appointment, or maybe you were up all night with sick kids and you were just about to lay down for a quick nap to replenish.
Or if you're petty like me, you might have not had time to put on your make-up, bra, and all, and there's just no way your gonna get a first-class ticket to this hot mess express.
Something about unannounced guests just makes me feel like I am not in control of my day.
Okay, okay I think it's safe to say that, I struggle with always wanting to be in control.
The unknown just makes me feel disconnected from my plans and if I can be honest,
I'm just not good with sudden changes in my schedule.
Ugh, why am I telling on myself??
Well, here goes... (Cue in Usher's song- Confessions)
I have a confession to make
When I hear a knock at my door,
I have been known to hide in my own house.
There I said it!!!
I will literally freeze on the spot.
My mind goes into panic mode with thoughts like "oh no my curtains are open, what if they peek inside?"
I will tell everyone in my house to stop making noise with the most insane twitch face you've ever seen.
You know the kind where there are no words coming out of your mouth, just a piercing glare.
If you're a mom you get it.
It's that look you give your kids when they repeat something in public that was supposed to remain private.
Yep, that's the one.
But I digress...
My heart starts racing and I now have to go to the bathroom, in the most horrible way, but I don't because I am now either
carefully tip-toeing or crawling on the floor like G.I Jane to the front door to see who is on the other side of that peephole! I need to know! I mean who in their right mind would be knocking on my door without a call, or a simple text?!
Yes, I really have done that.
One time the doorbell rang I did all of the above, but then I
pressed my eyeball up to the little peephole to see who was the person on the other side of my door.
I didn't see a thing!!
I start thinking to myself, "maybe it was an angel?"
And as I waited to see if the knocking would start up again, I saw something!!
Something little and green.
It was a sweet little girl scout just trying to sell some cookies.
Feeling a little relieved, I opened up the door to buy a few boxes.
I know I sound crazy, but why do I get that way?
Why does anxiety & paranoia fill my heart?
In life, we all have been in a place where someone comes over unannounced.
Are you are ok with answering the door, and finding enjoyment in the unknown?
Just a few weeks ago, Mr. & Mrs. Discomfort & Disconnect along with their newborn baby, Uncertainty came knocking on the door of my heart.
And guess what I did? I ran and hid.
I started to feel anxious. I felt like my prayers were evaporating in mid-air, not reaching the throne room of heaven.
I couldn't focus and pray without my mind being distracted by other competing thoughts.
I struggled to feel God's presence. I felt irritated, alone, and disoriented.
Also, sudden unexpected changes left me feeling angry.
I just wanted to get back to where I was before they showed up.
And it wasn't until I had a conversation with a dear friend that she shed some light on what I was feeling.
Which in return, led me to answer the knocking on the door.
It was time for me to face them, and as I did that, this is what the Father showed me.
Transition was knocking!
God gave me a vision of myself as a plant in a flower pot. I could see roots growing out of this pot.
I saw His hands gently, pick me up as He began to dust off the soil around my roots.
He was so careful during this process. He didn't want my fragile exposed roots to experience "transfer shock". (Which is a term used in planting. It involves failure of the plant to root well, consequently, the plant becomes poorly established in the landscape.)
He showed me in His hands, where nothing was hidden before His eyes. And in that space, I felt loved, secure, and cared for.
The feelings of irritation and isolation were not because I wasn't praying, not reading my bible, or even because I was in sin. I was just in mid-transition. He removed all of me, all of the hidden thoughts, and agendas, down to the very root. In that process, my roots were exposed to the outside environment without nutrients or connection to the soil. A few times, I experienced the trimming away of old brown roots, (old mindsets, and attitudes) that could not be a part of my new root system. That in itself can make any of us feel disoriented, uncomfortable, and disconnected.
I had outgrown that flower pot
I had outgrown that flower pot and now God was removing me from that small container with limitations,
and He is planting me into the ground, where my roots will be able to have the extra space to spread out and grow.
The beautiful thing about God being our Gardner is that everything I experienced was carefully monitored because His eyes were on me the entire time. I was NEVER alone.
Today, if you are experiencing depression, fear or disconnection, or maybe you are feeling like your prayers aren't going anywhere, I want to encourage you to ask the Holy Spirit if perhaps you too are a flower in His hands ready to be transplanted to a new location in His beautiful garden. Maybe you are suspended in mid-air, disconnected from your comfort zone exposed, and your feeling uncertain of what your new season is going to look like. Friend, you are right where you are supposed to be. Trust Him.
Perhaps He is wanting to plant you so you can bloom and flourish!
For they are transplanted to the Lord's own house.
They flourish in the courts of our God.
Psalms 92:13
Hi!
I'm Esmy
Friend, Wife, Mother,
Founder of FLRSH
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I look forward to connecting with you!